My mom && Michael

&& Christine && Bre took picture recently. It was a really big step && I mean BIG step for my ma who hates taking pictures. She has the biggest complex about it. But they came out nice and I'm glad because, if it hadn't she'd never I mean never be willin to do that again, and now this next month were gonna get family shots done ya! Here's a few.

The 29th

So tomorrow, my brother will go stay with my sister. I made it after all. Lol... Just barely. I've lost count as to how many times I wanted to choke him, Has he changed?
I'd say no..... not completely. He has yet to pick up a bottle. And I'm trying so hard to keep faith. His anger is not controlled the way that it maybe should be. But he is still doin good and I still giving him the benefit of the doubt. So only time will tell!

Saturday....

So Friday ended on a better note, I was still as stressed out as ever........ My mom bought the kids a slip && slide so since it was still warm outside we put it up && sat out with them. My brother got here around 6/6:30. And well..... no surprise I agreed to let him stay here. Just the 2 weeks. I also caved in && talked to Jesse. We hadn't talked. I know that he is skeptical about Michael's "CHANGE" but so am I. It just hurts me, that he acts like that. Do I tell him? NO! I don't because...... I'm always so easily talked out of what I feel. I just feel that I would never not let him take his sister in.... Or help her. I feel stuck I shouldn't have to choose between the one's that I love. The sad part about all this.... is that I feel that in my heart. One day he will leave me because of all this. Which I know it'll be my fault cause I allow it. I've talked to Michael about it before and I told him he will someday cost my family..... my family!

Yesterday, Today && Tomorrow

Yesterday my brother tried callin my phone but I was already at work. Then he text. A few days ago, he hurt his knee falling in a hole. He might need surgery. And now, the home that he was stayin in is kicking him out. Why? Because of his knee. They work there and through out the community as there way of paying rent. And since the doc ordered him off of it for 3 weeks. They kicked him out. I'm sure that he didn't do everything possible to stay. He asked if he could come stay with us for 2 weeks until my sister can let him go to her place. I told him no, I don't mean to be like that.... but I'll admit I am still very skeptical bout his "changing." He has "changed" before. And on top of that the lady that lives in front of us has been acting like a bitch. And the last time he stayed with us they charged && claimed that he's been there the month && added another $300 dollars to the rent. Which I fought because he didn't stay with us the month and no one from management ever came to verify there sources. So I told him I don't have money, the neighbor has been acting like a bitch. He kept blowing my damn phone up begging. On top of all that my sisters husband doesn't want him there at there place either. I tell him [my brother] Alicia already said that they don't want you there. He says he's talked to her, and that if he can stay my at my place a couple weeks then he can go stay with her, So i text al. She says not until the 30th. Which might I add is 3 weeks from now. I tell him that he begs. So the rest of the night I ignore him.......
During all that ........... I text Jesse and tell him. He says "I dooooooooon't know". So I haven't talked to him since. Why? Because I know he don't want my brother here. Neither do I. But he's getting kicked out!!
&& yes there's more..........On top of all that. I was planning a small B-day party for June his birthday is sat, but I was planning it for Sunday Mother's Day. The day he was born it was the 9th but it was Mother's Day. So like I said I have this planned, I'm freaken stressed. I'm not talkin to Jesse. And Al tells us she's goin camping that weekend. So my original plans are out the door. I just always get F*cked over buy them...........
I do say && go everywhere for them................

So my weekend is shit, && I feel like crying.

And I'm annoyed because havin my brother here which I have NOT agreed too. Is just, gonna suck he hasn't changed!! Maybe quit drinkin but not change!! Then he says "I'll help with the kids..... he can't even help his own kid!!!"


Today: Still haven't talked to Jesse, I'm just so hurt, depressed && right now stressed. && Christine is on her way..... to get Michael.

&& Tomorrow.......... who know's?!?!?? I'll fill you in!

Love thy neighbor............ Part 2

So, On Friday last week the kids were out playin, for Easter they got this big'ol thing if sidewalk chalk. They were enjoying it, and was just all over the place, under my supervision. I notice that Betty peeked around the corner then ran inside. I got this funny feeling. And told Jesse I bet she went inside and called "Sanna" the apt manager who was on site holding open houses. I notice that Sanna walks out && looks in our direction. I knew that's what is was, but I wasn't worried. It comes off with water for goodness sakes. My ma who had been talkin to our neighbor Helen, comes over && tells me && Jesse. You know that Helen had came out to tell us that Betty had called her sayin that she had called Sanna && told her that we were all sitting there well we watch my kids "Graffiti" and deface the property. I was mad. That witch looks for any little thing, to be messin with us && the kid's.
It was time for me to head off for work && the kids were goin with Jesse to get din. So knowing what I knew I got the hose, and in front of Betty in a very non-discreet tone said I'm gonna wash "the Graffiti" before the neighbors act stupid, Meaning her!!
As I was washing it down, Sanna comes over. And says...... "oh it's fine, it comes off... it's fine" I told Sanna "I know it comes right off, they weren't doing anything wrong!"
Betty witnessed all this.
So 2days later, again the kids are outside chalkin it up.....Lol. When it was time to take the kids in. I hosed it down, all except one line because I didn't wanna shoot the water that way && hit her car. She's such a Drama Queen, that she woulda for sure called the office on us then would been tryin to claim some kinda water damage.... and BULL. Yeah so the next morning my ma heard Betty out there bitchin, bout what who know's but I was pretty sure it was us. && sure enough it was, Helen told us that she was out there takin pictures of the sidewalk .... "the Graffiti". Then she poked her head in our fence && was complaining bout that which is our own personal space. I called Sanna you need to let her know she needs to leave us alone! You said the sidewalk chalk was fine, && her lookin in our porch!?! She has a problem talkin to us but no problem tryin to to my kids she aint gonna like it when I go to her door.

Well see..........

Love thy neighbor............ Part 1

A little over a year ago, my family and I moved into a apt. It works for us, for now. When we first moved in the tenant "Betty" who resides in the apt in front of us. Well it was evident that she didn't like us. At first we thought RACE had somethin to do with it. Seeing as we are Hispanic and most our neighbors are black. Which might I add we get along with just fine. On her first day here as the off-site apt manager was showin us around. She [Betty] came out we said Hi, but she looked at the manager and said "I hope that were gonna still have quiet around here", I know, Bitch right? Anyways, there were other small incidents, but now I'm gonna start sharing them as they happen. She terrorizes this apt complex. Like I said at first we thought it was just us.
Anyway the smaller incidents were smaller but mainly revolved around the fact that she would wait til one of us meaning me or my mom would step inside for a min. Then she would peep out and tell my kids to stay off the grass. Small stupid shit like that.
I explained to the manager that she needs to come to me, I'm an adult. She's an adult and needs to leave my 7 & 5yr old alone. Now let me give you a little insight. My mom got into some trouble a few years back, and beat 4 R.P.D up. Lol....it's true. With that said she [my mom] tries to stay outta trouble. And me, I'm not a fighter. But I don't back down either. So she's really lucky she hasn't gotten a beat down. But yeah she ain't worth losing my kids, you know.
So starting with the most recent incident.
My kids are NEVER alone. And I take deep pride that in all my years as a mother I make it work so that my kids don't have to be watched. By my mother && sister yeah! But a stranger no! NEVER!! You can't trust anyone these days.
So when we get a day off me and my mom. We go outside and watch the kids play. I don't let them run loose one of us is always there. So about a month ago, we went outside to sit, while the kids played. The next day we happened to be off again, and as we were gettin ready to go outside "Betty" put a sprinkler up. And guess where? Yup same corner of grass where we were sitten the day before. She did it just to be a bitch. "Betty" must not have seen me, but I caught her tryin to tell Marlene somethin. I poked my head from around the corner stood up and yelled "WHAT?!??!" She replied "oh," somethin bout the water being on. I told her "Oh they know we already told them to stay the fuck away from your sprinkler you just did it to be a bitch!".
So, that same day, a little time passed she saw that I had gone inside just to get the phone, she must of not have noticed but the apt manager pulled up and my mom and walked over to talk to her. I walk out and she higher ed the water so now it was wetting all the sidewalk where the kids were playing. I was so upset, but here comes my ma with the apt manager. Betty seen and lowered her water. Then pulled her sprinkler, in && turned it off. Yes OFF. She didn't even water anywhere else........


So I'm gonna take a break, get stuff down around the house. But, there's more......... Keep ya posted!

Wrong Number

What the heck.... so I text a friend of mine.... and it turns out I have the wrong number. I apologize, then I get a text back from this guy talkin about well he did'nt respond sooner cause... he was at work!

So, What I shoulda probably done was... leave it at that.. right? But... me being me I decided to text back and say once again I apologize .. I hope that I didn't cause any trouble for you at work! So this guy texts me back and is like.... So Desi... I had given him my name when he text back the first time... asking who was this. That's how I realized that it was a wrong number. He says it's ok send me a pic if your hot... I should'ntve but did... I text back and jokingly told him, you might know my husband.

Now... I don't wana hear how I'm a married person and should know better because I do... and I would've never sent a pic...

So awhile passed and I recieved another text from him saying he was sorry he was in school... he say's soooooo can I get a pic.... and then he say's you must have a bf or you married huh?!?

I told him,.... yeah I told you I was married.... Then the funniest thing happened, He text me back and say's Ummm no offense but your married!

What a loser... I told him that from the begining... I text him back to be polite!

Anyway's I found this situation rather funny..... But I remained completely honest with him durin the whole ten min's that I knew him! Lol.

Today....5-4

R.I.P
Raymond Jess Vasquez
We Love You!
Today, Tomorrow && Always

Is the 5th anniversary of my Uncle Ray's death. Who we all Love && Miss. His passing was sudden, heartbreaking and unexpected. He knew he was Loved just wish we could tell him one more time.
One day I'll share more of that with you but for now. Here's a pic,

My neice Sil.....

So last week, the kid's had there pictures taken. And they looked oh so pretty. But later that night, I get a text from Al. That her husband [my b-i-l] had left his clippers down and Sil almost 3. Gave herself a haircut! That her on the right side.

My scare

So as I shared with you on friday. Marlene came home from school sick. Really sick. The first paranoia thing that jumped into my head was "swine flu." All she did was lay. Throw up and sweat. So I was contemplating takin her to urgent care. But since her symptoms hadn't worsened. We waited and that whole night was horrible seeing my baby girl sick, and everything was touch and go.

But she made it through the night, and in the morning she woke up hungry. The fever was gone. I thank God!

Letter to the Ex....

I had already posted this but.... on my blog you couldn't see the text. So here it is again!

The life you chose!
Your a bitter bitch......
&& the victim right?
Huh??? Whatever makes yourself feel better.
Stop being so Fucken selfish.
For Christs sake!
I didn't choose this.
You did.
You made your bed.
Lay in it!
In this sweet fulfilled marriage,
&& life in which I live.
Is what my decisions brought me.

Happy.
Lol.... I should Thank You!
The sad part is you had it.
All.
&& you can say it don't want it,
but you do.
I see through you.
You, Miserable Bitch.
Keep pointing that damn finger.
&& it might get cut the fuck off!
You should stand in front of the mirror
when you say that shit.
You delusional dumb ass!
You paint a pretty picture of what happened.....
It shoulda went down that way.
But the others involved are
"human"
&& wouldn't do that to the one's they love.
Doesn't that just break your heart?
That.........Your
THE ONE TO BLAME......
&& YOUR THE ONE HURTING
THE ONES YOU LOVE.
&& even though it may not be LOVE.
On some part,
What is it? Spite? Jealousy?
Pure Anger?
Keep it up
YOUR GONNA DIE THE
COLD LONELY HEARTLESS BITCH
that you ARE.
lOl.........Your a Fucken Joke!
That's right we be laughin at the joke!
You made outta yourself!!
You keep talkin shit.....
You don't need this.....
You don't need that.......
They don't need you..........
They don't need you lies.....
That's bullshit!
That your servin for breakfast && one day
they'll take there last bite.
&& you'll be feedin yourself that shit!!
Then..... they'll join us in our LAUGHTER
&& Til that bittersweet day.
Tell yourself what you want.
Were done listening.
&& one day you'll realize that you
did YOURSELF dirty.
&& only you!

My Daughter

Lol..... Marlene can be crazy but........she is so smart. And say's things that just throw me back. Like for instance the other night we were working on homework and she was writing her sentences with spelling words. I don't even remember what the word or sentence was but, we were using the word "money" in the sentence. She say's Nana? How do you spell honey?!?
Overhearing, I tell her money not honey. And her reply was???? "I'm improvising, I'm gonna take the h and make it an m then I'll have money && not honey!" Yeah I know right....and she's only 7!


Anywho the reason I was posting this is because in our "swine flu" scare she [marlene] has made up a poem.

It goes:

If your feeling sick,

Like you got the flu.

I know,

What you need to do!

Don't go to work,

Don't go to school.

Till Mr. Obama

Tells you to!

In the life of RETAIL

There are some customers with a sense of humor!

Sometimes...........[one of THOSE day's]

I feel like ramming my head into a wall. [please do not take me seriously....I don't need help]
Anyways I'm not always a wreck but there are days where I feel like "WHAT ELSE!?" I feel like I'm ALWAYS there for EVERYONE but if I turned around to see who would do all the things I do I see NO ONE. And I know it's my fault........Like this morning. So I had Bre [the baby] && June [the son.] And it hit me as I'm waiting there for Bre to fall asleep so I can shower. I never shower when I want to. And lol..... as my tummy growled I never eat when I want to. I cant sleep, I cant think. Then I noticed a missed call on my cell. Rose's school. Then I get a text. From the hub "Marlene's sick you need to get her." At this moment, I haven't yet showered I cant leave my 4yr old to watch a 6mo. old. Hence that is why I wait for her nap to get in. I put her down, still trying to fight it but..... almost out I jump in. I text my sister who is at work and ask if she's had her lunch! She responds "On my lunch, hey rose's school called" And my showers are sometimes my only "me"time. Sad I know! But I'm scrubbing my hair, brushin my teeth && washin up all at once. A knock "Bre's up"..... "there I go!" So I get out tryin to try another knock "SHE'S CRYING!!!!!" Lol the kid's get so paranoid when she cries. I'm out! Then a text, from the hub "nevermind" not to go get Rose. She went to the rest room then said she felt better so they let her out to lunch By now, I'm irritated out of my mind! My sister knows that Rose is sick at school, does she ask if I need her to get her?!?!? NO!! Another text the hub "don't forget to pay the light bill".

Again:
I cant eat, sleep, think shower or anythin for that matter when I wanna! They really shouldn't even ask my "to jump" anymore they should just say how "high".
It's not that I feel like the owe me anything, but this morning is a perfect example, I got up @ 5am to watch my nephew Daniel for an hour, hour and a half while my sis went to work and her hub came home from work. I did it no problem. But she can really take her hour lunch from work knowing that because of her shift I was up at 5, I'm home with two kid's no ride, my daughters sick and nothing!
Another text "she threw up, you need to get her".



I NEED A BREAK!!

The house that should burn to the ground......

Between the town that I live in and the next town over, there is this literally one street town called "Bryn Mawr" it has literally been reduced to nothing. I spent most my childhood running this street. Lol.... I swear the population must be like 75'ish! While stayin at my grandpa's house. He built his house himself and I guess at some point put it in his mother's name. But he built it for him, && his 4kids. My mom, my uncle (who has passed) && my 2 aunts. Anyways they all, WE all grew up in that house and years ago it was condemned. My grandpa was forced out on to the streets. He was a Veteran of the United States Army had lost both his legs && now he was homeless. My grandpa died on the streets. Years before that my ma had left my dad, so contact/relationships with most of our cousins seized to exist. Which is OK because most my family is shady and nuts!
Anyways, a few years back..... my ma's crackhead cousin "Johnny" went in fixed my grandpa's condemned house. And moved in! He...... later odeed && drowned. No kidding either when I say drowned, I mean his mother got a water hose to revive him as he was down and he died. I told you crazy. So with him gone my mom's aunt "Jenny" took over this house..... [that remember was condemned and my grandpa died a homeless man.] Moved various different grandchildren of her own!! && collected rent from them.
The reason why this situation is so upsetting is because, not only has this house been condemned but when crackhead Johnny went in to pay the property taxes on it, which once he died payments were no longer made. Anyways they had a paper signed by all the siblings. My Grandpa's siblings who he hated. Saying that they had no idea where my grandpa was at and that he had abandoned his estate. Which were all lies. He didn't abandon it he was kicked out by the city and they knew very well where he was up until his death. Anyway my uncle [ma's brother]
stayed a week or two before johnny died in that house and upon Johnny's death my uncle stole there paperwork. So they tried for new paperwork and this time they wanted my grandpa's children to sign the house over, since they falsified the information on the other paper work. So for years they have been trying to get my mom to sign the house over. My ma wants nothing to do with the house at all. She feels that it should be knocked down to the foundation what shoulda happened when they condemned it!!
Like I mentioned we moved and almost no one knew where we lived, and the one's that did know that if they ever brought any of that mess to our door we have no problem disconnecting from them as well. And these people are desperate, when my uncle died him && my ma were sooooooo close. A part of her died that day with him, her cousin came to our door as we were grieving and starts mentioning the house dilemma. They were asked to leave, they called later that afternoon and asked if they could have our addy to send flower. My ma seeing right through them politely obliged and asked that the flowers be sent to his children. Then they said well can we still have the addy send you a card??? My mom cursed them out and asked had they not learned that they weren't gonna get it!
We moved, they started going into our place of employment and would ask my sister && I. But we knew better and would always play there questions down.


Which now leads me to my next blog..........................

Consumer Report of my OWN...... H&R BLOCK

So if your like me, come tax season you entrust your personal information to complete strangers. And if your like me you'll go to a professional tax preparer in an office....people that your supposed to be able to trust. So for years my husband && I have been doing so. So this tax season was like any other............ we got all our info together and headed off to our local H&R block. This year we also recommend that my sister && my mother do there taxes there. I have always been a satisfied customer of there's. But this tax season would be different would be different. And I definitely have no plans on returning next year neither will my family, && anyone else that I can share my story with. Here is why?!?!:


If you read the "house that should be burned down to the ground" that house and family fit all into this.
So like I said we all went && did our taxes with H&R this year. Like I said my husband && I had been there before. So it was like any other time. ......... . well my ma's cousin, through her Aunt Jenny's side works at this office. We've seen her the last couple years "Lisa". Never gave it a second thought she had been there before && I will admit she has always greeted us && has been very professional while we were there. She herself has NEVER done our taxes. When my ma goes in, files her taxes which we had amended because as the tax preparer was filing them for her. "Lisa" overheard my mom was planning on claiming my baby brother who is 21, but was stayin with my mom && she supported him for the year. Well "Lisa" sticking her nose in went over to the tax preparer and told the preparer that my ma couldn't claim my brother cause he was too old. So they finished the taxes. Without claiming my brother, ..... only later to fond out that she could claim him.
But.................. I'd say about 4 day's after my mom files her taxes she receives a letter in the mail, from a lawyer. Yes, about my grandpa's house. Like I explained we are estranged from that side of the family so they didn't have our addy or anyway of getting it. So it is in our belief that "Lisa" gave the family our addy.

Now to show that we've given her the benefit of doubt, Coincidence that they got our addy I don't think so.
They've asked we've NEVER given it to them....... they followed us??? Maybe.....BUT I live in a apt. complex. So for them to have my exact door number......not likely! Oh and we currently have no car so public transportation is the way we get around...... so we mighta noticed that!
It's just funny that 4 days prior to that we filed our taxes where a cousin on that side of the fam work. Oh && to strengthen our case, her father is the one that the lawyer is dealing with. She took our personal information and gave it out.


I have contacted H&R to share my concerns && they've had this what would you like us to do attitude!! I have made it clear that we are not stupid we know that it's illegal for her to have done that! Years.... I mean Years they have never had our addy........
So at this moment they are "investigating" I say acting stupid!!!
So ............... I'll let you know.

Sunday Afternoon

Awe yesterday was my day off. I spent it enjoying the day and time with my family. We just got them brand new bikes. And they were too excited!! Which is good, but this time around Marlene has no training wheels, && this time around June actually wasn't afraid to get on his bike. So June got on && rode no problem. Marlene was/ is afraid still so we are currently working with her so that she can ride her bike on her own. She's doin good. But still needs a little practice!

In pic:
1: Jesse && Michael
a BIG step for them
2: Bre gettin kisses
Look at her nose!!!
3: Rev. Al..... say's
Think about what your thinkin about!!
4: Michael && Monsters
5: Michaels Beautiful Family

&& now Chuck E. Cheese's

So they let us take Michael out, thank goodness! So we go to Chuck E's. The kids are cool there's no dirt. And we get to relax && catch up! On the ride over there however I seen a VERY familiar side of Michael that suggest that maybe there are still some anger control issues that he needs to work on. He said he knew the way there we drove for like 2omin. Christine suggests that we use the G.P.S, but he's raising his voice at her..... So yeah!!
There we are having a good time eating. playing. I get up to use the rest room. As I was washing my hands, Al runs in there && says that she cant find Sil && some kid just bit Bre. Yes the baby! Jesse finds Sil && Bre is screaming. Some 2yr old boy went up to Bre as she was sitting in her stroller leaned in to give her a kiss,..... && F*en bit her nose!
And that child's mother just said "O Sowwy". And her husband is f*en dogging us && I am pist!! He keeps looking over at us && dogging && the more that he's doin this the more upset I am getting. I start sayin "who the hell is he doggin no one bit him". Now we wouldn't of been mad if the mother woulda handled the situation better, NO I did NOT want her to beat him he was little too. But she did NOT come over && apologize or ask if the baby was ok....NOTHING!!
Luckily they just got there stuff && left which made us glad cause we were really mad, Jesse was gettin ready to tell Michael lets handle it!! But my brother shocked the shit out of us!!!
He grabbed the baby her safety was most important. [As it should be.] The old Michael woulda F*ed that guy up! So change is definitely in his heart!

The Park,......

Well after his baptism and mass his ministry was hosting a BBQ at a local park. When we got there. there was tons of people being that it was Easter the park was packed. So it's warm were in dress clothes, were hungry && I am feeling so uncomfortable I tell myself to stick it out. But the playground was I swear like a mile away from where the church was seated. Me being me the kid's are NEVER out of sight! They wanted to play! Then the public restrooms had no doors! I though that we were passed that. And this is gonna sound so stereotypical but most my brothers church are ex convicts && in the same rehab that he is in. Marlene was crying cause there was dirt in her shoe's. People were watching us use the restroom. Then to top this all off! There is a lake behind the park. OH NO!!! I was freaking out!! I'm thinkin 1 of the 100 unattended children running around is gonna get kidnapped or fall in the lake ..... or assaulted in the restroom. I was panicking so I suggest we ask if we can take him out to lunch!

His Big Day

In the first pic, He's introducing himself and proclaims his dedication to live a life following Jesus.
&& in the 3rd pic, He say's Michael because you have decided to follow Jesus, I baptize you in the name of Jesus Christ!



Now I was born, raised && baptized, && conformated (which according to spell check is not a word...lOl) a Catholic. I do not judge or dislike any other religious belief to each there own. If that's how it's said!?! I have also attended Christian masses. This morning my brother would be baptized in his Christian Ministries. It was a 3hr mass. Which Sil could not sit through if her life depended on it lOl..... 35 members were baptized, When it was my brothers turn I cried it was such a big, highly anticipated step for him && at the same time ...... as much as it hurts me too say this. I was still skeptical could he have changed? Or is this just another one of his fronts!???!?

Easter Sunday

So Sunday morning we in two vehicles set out on a road trip to visit my brother for the 1st time since he went into rehab. This was a big step for all of us, yeah we had heard from him since he went in but this was our first time seeing him. When he left there was still tension between him and my husband, distance between me && him. And even left on a bad note with my sister there normally pretty close. And he was getting Baptized.
This blog will be in two other pieces covering our trip to Chuck E. Cheese's && his baptism.
We left at 7am got there at 11am. And joined him in church!

This is funny....

On my way to work, I noticed that our local Longs Drugs. Lights were going out. Mainly the L-G-S!
I wish it woulda been a little darker the picture woulda been better!

Easter

Normally on a Easter weekend.......... we spend the Saturday before with my husband and his side of the family. It's nice && different. When I was younger, my mom left my dad && alot of our time we were "in hiding" && spent most of our time as us four. So our Easters wasn't necessarily big && fancy. Like there's..... the family starts to gather and there is a BBQ just a buffet of stuff. Then they let the kids run around like loons while most of the adults..... except the few that get stuck with "loon duty" lol. Fill the egg's..... ton's of egg's. Then they hide them from the children this thing is like so massive that it takes there yard....&& a nieghbors. Then the "loons" are released. Then they make like a dozen dozen of confetti egg's where everyone get's like 4 or 5. It's crazy. I enjoy it and so do the kids. I'd like to someday do that. But so far we have 5 children in our family so it's nice but small!

Disneyland

That morning was just awful. The park opened at 8am. We had last minute trouble with the rent a car place. They didn't open til 9. My sister has this funny way bout her. When it comes to us doin somethin for her, it's when, where && how she wants it. But, when it's the other way around completely different story. Lol..... it's still when, where && how but her way. To top it off we planned this trip right in the middle of the fact that we hadn't talked for about 3 weeks. So come 9am I'm just frustrated and say well if we don't leave soon we should just try another day the park had already been opened an hour. But we went && had an over all good day!
We rode, all the classic rides. It's a small world, the submarine, autoutopia funny thing bout that I rode with my 4yr old son so I pumped the gas && he steered. LOl && I swear I got the most severe case of whiplash ever!!! When the road was straight he'd be steering side to side, && when the road was curvey he would hold the wheel straight. It was an overall good day && the kids came home pooped!

Took.......... a break.

Lol...more like my computer crashed which it shouldn't. One day I'll share a story about how i got my computer && why it shouldn't crash. But for now.....
Yeah so [during my break] we went to Disneyland, Me && my sister are on speaking terms now. My mom is still nuts. Then there was Easter && a trip to see my brother. Oh && I started a diet, per say! My niece tried to bald herself. So........I'ma start sharing!

At this moment

I find myself fighting with my sister. We haven't spoken in three days. Which makes me a little sad because me and her have always had a very strained relationship! It's weird in my family I feel like an outsider. Her and my brother are like P.B & J. Not me.......
I work hard and I see it as they think that I think that I am better than them. And I'm really not. Sure we've all made bad choices and some of my choices weren't as bad as some of there's. That doesn't make me better. I cant let them see me weak, they have so much goin on that sometimes the stress of whatever is goin on with me takes back burner so that I stress bout them! I'm the oldest so some would say that maybe thats why. Anyways long story short growin up we were all we had. Were still all we have give a few additions! But we have tons of family but when my ma left our dad we went into hiding and most our life it was just us 4.

So when we had kids we vowed that they would never stay with a sitter..... you cant trust anyone these day's. So we all were supposed to work around each other schedules and watch each others kids. Fair enough but my sister ..."Ally" has always had her special way of not workin this situation out with us but my mom's schedule was different at the time. And now I find my self at home all day everyday even on my days off with a few extra children. I don't wana complain especially with Bre because my brother is in rehab and Chistine has no real help. So I bite my tongue so that Ally's feeling aren't hurt. Especially cause I don't want her to think that I like watchin Bre more than her kids so I try to be fair. And this babysitten is hard I have Bre she's 4mo.'s old and when I have Sil [Ally's daughter] she's almost 3. It's hard I cant shower til Ally's off cause I'm afraid that Sil will try to get Bre or put somethin in her mouth. So it's very inconveinant. And its sad that I can be here all day in this house like that but then askin Al to do somethin so simple as pay a bill on her way home....... it's inconceiveable to ask of her. And now last week her husband who is worthless. Has had his hours changed to grave yard. So now I'm watching Sil so he can sleep!!!! WTF!!! What about my sleep? After I cook, clean and tend to 4 children a day I still go to work!! And when I get home it's like 11. And I can't get to bed.

And I'm not lookin for sympathy BUT I turned down a promotion which woulda been more hours and pay! To be home and do this... they call me to go in early and I can't cause I got 2 kids to many. So what led to the fight is she dropped Sil off at like 5:45 am. She starts at 6. So i assume that she's off at 10. But NO she gets overtime...... without sayin hey I'ma stay 2 hours over. Keep in mind my wallet could be gettin fatter too if I could go in early. Before I find out that she's stayin over I call and ask her to get a dozen eggs. I can't leave the house with 4 little one's. She say's I'm stayin til 12. I say ok nevermind! She then texts me and say's..... I'm goin on my lunch right now asshole!! WTF!! She shows up at the house. And do you think she did the favor of pickin up a dozen eggs? No!

All I said is this situation needs to change. And now lol....on her myspace ....


" THE SITUATION WILL CHANGE AS MY LIFE COULDN'T SUCK ANYMORE! IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S THE OTHER. I'M JUST HURT AND SAD BOUT THE SITUATION BUT IT'S TOO LATE THE DAMAGE IS DONE"!

I had it in me to tell her to stop bein a drama queen .... but didn't!

Now she says that she's leavin Sil in day care startin next week.




WE WILL SEE!

My Hard Work..........

As a mother [a working mother] && I'm sure that I'm not the only one. I find myself feelin bad sometimes. When we decided to have children we weren't RICH....but you know things have gotten alot harder and we were ok...... But now I don't necessarily NEED to work...but my job pays for the little extras that we get.... eatin' out, catchin a movie....just shoppin kinda like a reward for all our hard work. As I was sayin i feel bad sometime cause the kids are abit older now and they know that mom works but sometimes they ask 1st thing in the mornin..."You work today?" or "What time you get off?" and sometimes I feel like I don't get "QUALITY" time with them and I dont wanna be the parnet that buy's there kids love....
So you know we do our best, && it's nice to see that we haven't messed them up...lol. Yet!

So I'm a Super Proud Momma........ my 1st grader Marlene made honor roll. This is the 2nd time.
And the 1st time she was the only one in her grade level to get honor roll for all 3 academics. This time there were a couple more this time. But yeah it's nice to see && consider that when I come home from work, or babysit all mornin go to work and come home and do homework with her that even though I'm tired and run down from my day that it shows that I'm doin somethin right!!
So at 8ish they have an "award ceremony" where there presented there certificate,... then they perform for us.... they did the "boogie walk". June sat through that then......lol that was it! {note the pic of june}

Doctor appt.'s

Both the kiddos had to see the doctor this week both for different reasons. So my week was a little hectic squeezing that in with everything else. My kids rarely see the doctor. But this week Marlene got a eye exam through the school. They recommended that I take her in to have her eye's checked. There estimated her vision at 20/30. Which I guess is kinda bad, i dont know. So her appt, went rather well. I think that she wanted glasses but I explained to her that the docor would let us know if that was necessary. So, we had her eyes checked and her vision is far sided. Which isn't too much to worry about at this time. She has another appt. in a year and they will know more or less then. But she's ok.
Now june had his pyhisical to start kindergarden. I think he's ready! I'm not sure that I am.
I remember Marlene's first day of school. I cried. She didn't see me..... for her sake. And now my youngest and last baby will be startin in Aug. I'm a be home alone...... sounds nice but we'll see if I'll know what to do with myself when that time comes.
But...., anywho I felt so bad. We have a co. pay of $20. And there health comes first so..... it's not about the money. But since my husbands health insurance has changed 2 to 3 times in the last year or two. June was behind on his immunizations. And he needed 5 shots! I felt so bad. I paid for them to torture him. I get really scared and nervous for them when they need shots. I hate to see them hurt, in pain and or cryin. I'm sure that all parents are like that.

Anyway I'm so proud of my little man he did sooooooo soooooo GOOD!!

Remind....me to keep you posted with my adventure ahead with my kindergarten son....]
The countdown begins!

A day at the park......

So our lives get a little crazy. And it's amazing somtimes the serenity and peacefulness that you can find all at once in one small moment. In that moment everything....work, bills, rent....just whatever our current stress is at the time it just
seems not exist. And the kid's benefit and soak it up!

Those moments are nice.

My Husband, && His EX.....&& My Fear....

Yeah so without trashing "her" to much, my husbands ex is and eXceptional piece of work! In the beginning I mighta bashed her...lOl in more ways then one. I was young when I met my husband who has his two older daughters with her, And I embarced the new situation that I found myself in.
Man the game's she would play..... Someday I might share them all. But she's wierd she dont want him back.... but she dont want him with me.
At first she used to just play games and he would just fall into them pissing me off. But now he stands up for himself a little more.
I'm gonna give an examlpe of a few: "Special Moments"
Right after we first got married. She called our house and said "Oh congratulations Girl!!" Yeah right she's so phoney so when my hub got on the phone.. she's starts goin off I cant believe you'd just go out and get married with out tellin me,.......
Or right after we went to court we were gettin visitation with them every other weekend at his fathers house at her request there were weekends when I wouldn't go. One weekend that I went she asked to talk to the girls. While she talked to the oldest the other girl ran around the house like crazy. The oldest was sitting next to me I could her ask if I was there and where did I sleep. (Wtf!!) Right? well she wanted to talk alyssa who I was askin to stop running I never punish the girls but I do.... scold them and I was askin her not to run that wasn't our house didn't want anythin to get broken. When alyssa finally got on the phone she didn't wana talk to her mother, so she gave the phone to my husband and started tellin him that Alyssa didn't wana talk to her cause I was yellin at her. After we took the girls home that night. She again called my husband and told him that he wasn't gona see the girls next weekend that way he "Could talk to" me!!


Anyways I'ma stop with the special moments for now. To get with my current topic.....

Around two weeks ago.. my husband got a call from the girls askin him if they wanted to meet them while there grandma got her hair done. Of course he agreed we even changed our movies plans so that he can go. They hung out had lunch I was really happy for him. One of the hardest things about bein married to man with other children from a previous relationship is not so much dealin with the "other momma drama" but knowin that there's a piece of him missin.
Then they asked him if he could buy Melinda (the oldest). Some shoe's. He's in a situation that where if he say's he can't it'll haunt him for the rest of his life bout how he's a wortheless father and so on. So he does which is ok with me..........

But now here is my concern..... He bought her shoe's,..... hasn't seen them or heard from them since. Now I know that there values and morals are a bit tweaked due to there mother. But I don't want them to just call him when they need somethin..... I want them to call say hi ask how he's doin... we'll see what happens....like I said so far he hasn't heard from them!

Sooo......

I decided that I'll start addin some pic's..... These are my beautiful children. Rose && Junie. There my love's && my reason for being.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to you all. So today my daughter turned 7, Geesh I feel old!! Lol, that's right 7 years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful girl. And since then My Valentine's Day has been her day. Filled with kid's and goodies. Not very romantical at all. But I enjoy it just the same spendin the day with friends and family that I love.
Today we were supposed to go to the happiest place on earth but because of the weather forcast I had to put a last min birthday party together. I wake up and it's sunny. I was a little upset about that........but makin the best of my day just the same.
Now some adult time drinkin ....... cchYeah!!

Findin myself hurt.......

So my brother who left for rehab, a little over a mo. ago. Has not written me a letter. I normally would not be bothered by this but am. I know that durin his stints and even afterwards that he would place blame and used the way that my mom raised him or the way I treated him as his excuse for his addiction. My mom raised the three of us alone and the best she could I think that are there somethings that she coulda done differently but no one is perfect! And I try my best as a mother but I'm sure that one day my own daughter might find somethin that I coulda done better.
And I admit that durin my brother's struggle with his addiction I was hard on him. I guess that maybe because that he blamed our mother for his problem and I know that she isn't to blame. But it killed me to see my brother the way that he was. I cried and struggled with nightmares for him. And prayed, prayed my heart out that he'd get better. I remember one day, durin one of many interventions, I poured my heart out tellin him how I couldn't sleep cause that I would be haunted by my dreams of him being beaten to bloody pulp and dyin.

After that he of course met with a bottle once again and I guess my way of dealin with that would be to be tuff... and not care.

And it hurted I expected more of him. From him I knew that he was capable of sooooooooo much more!

And now since he's been gone I've helped his girl and mon-fri, 9 to 5. I have his daughter....

He has written everyone and apologizing to them.... I have yet to recieve letter and as they pour in for everyone else. I'm losing hope that one will come adressed to me. And I wonder why?.....Does he not owe me anything? as much as a simple, "I'm sorry"? I guess not! But why? Does he really think that I am partially to blame....????

Gone for a min................

Ok so I've been gone for a min............... between work and being a caretaker of anywhere from 3mo's. to 7yrs. old this last month and man! It is work I thank god I stopped after 2.

I have alot of stuff comin up birthday's, quincenera. And life so tomorrow I'll start again fillin in.


UP COMING TITLES:

*Daniel's party
*My Crazy Mom
*Finding myself hurt
*My hub && his ex..........

&& lots lots more!

6yr old "MEAN KIDS"??

So my daughter started off loving school,... && her kindergarten teacher was great!! Loved her.
When she got to the 1st grade for a few reasons I did not like her teacher {still don't!} && before I knew it && without poisoning my daughters mind I said nothin I wanted her to make up her own mind about her. She did and she doesn't like her either..... at first I wanted to pull my daughter outta her class. But I thought bout it && that would be the easy way out.... I thought/ think that if my daughter can get through this school year with that teacher then it'll make her stronger. Trust me I know first hand what not liking someone where you had to be.... especially figueres of authority is like. Soooooo, I though that it would be good for her. But the other mornin when we were gettin ready for school she said that she did not wana got to school she cried begged and even pretended to be sick.
We had a talk, and she went but I'm worried about her..... that afternoon she said that none of the kids wanted to sit with her in the cafeteria. I asked her if they said why or if she knew why? She said that they just said that they did not wana sit by her. At first I was irritated especially cause she seriously was unsure of why her friends, were acting that way that I told her that the next time they acted like that to tell them to "Kiss my Ass". Which I know wouldn't solve anything so I told her that I was sorry that she had a bad day at school. && no to do what I just told her to do.... I'm not sure why and plan to find out this next week on my day off.
But could that be the reason why she did not wanna go? Are kids this young capable of being that mean? My daughter is a strong willed independent smart beautiful girl. && I know that if it were the other way around she would never let anyone get treated that way...

I'll keep you posted!!