At this moment

I find myself fighting with my sister. We haven't spoken in three days. Which makes me a little sad because me and her have always had a very strained relationship! It's weird in my family I feel like an outsider. Her and my brother are like P.B & J. Not me.......
I work hard and I see it as they think that I think that I am better than them. And I'm really not. Sure we've all made bad choices and some of my choices weren't as bad as some of there's. That doesn't make me better. I cant let them see me weak, they have so much goin on that sometimes the stress of whatever is goin on with me takes back burner so that I stress bout them! I'm the oldest so some would say that maybe thats why. Anyways long story short growin up we were all we had. Were still all we have give a few additions! But we have tons of family but when my ma left our dad we went into hiding and most our life it was just us 4.

So when we had kids we vowed that they would never stay with a sitter..... you cant trust anyone these day's. So we all were supposed to work around each other schedules and watch each others kids. Fair enough but my sister ..."Ally" has always had her special way of not workin this situation out with us but my mom's schedule was different at the time. And now I find my self at home all day everyday even on my days off with a few extra children. I don't wana complain especially with Bre because my brother is in rehab and Chistine has no real help. So I bite my tongue so that Ally's feeling aren't hurt. Especially cause I don't want her to think that I like watchin Bre more than her kids so I try to be fair. And this babysitten is hard I have Bre she's 4mo.'s old and when I have Sil [Ally's daughter] she's almost 3. It's hard I cant shower til Ally's off cause I'm afraid that Sil will try to get Bre or put somethin in her mouth. So it's very inconveinant. And its sad that I can be here all day in this house like that but then askin Al to do somethin so simple as pay a bill on her way home....... it's inconceiveable to ask of her. And now last week her husband who is worthless. Has had his hours changed to grave yard. So now I'm watching Sil so he can sleep!!!! WTF!!! What about my sleep? After I cook, clean and tend to 4 children a day I still go to work!! And when I get home it's like 11. And I can't get to bed.

And I'm not lookin for sympathy BUT I turned down a promotion which woulda been more hours and pay! To be home and do this... they call me to go in early and I can't cause I got 2 kids to many. So what led to the fight is she dropped Sil off at like 5:45 am. She starts at 6. So i assume that she's off at 10. But NO she gets overtime...... without sayin hey I'ma stay 2 hours over. Keep in mind my wallet could be gettin fatter too if I could go in early. Before I find out that she's stayin over I call and ask her to get a dozen eggs. I can't leave the house with 4 little one's. She say's I'm stayin til 12. I say ok nevermind! She then texts me and say's..... I'm goin on my lunch right now asshole!! WTF!! She shows up at the house. And do you think she did the favor of pickin up a dozen eggs? No!

All I said is this situation needs to change. And now lol....on her myspace ....


" THE SITUATION WILL CHANGE AS MY LIFE COULDN'T SUCK ANYMORE! IF IT'S NOT ONE THING, IT'S THE OTHER. I'M JUST HURT AND SAD BOUT THE SITUATION BUT IT'S TOO LATE THE DAMAGE IS DONE"!

I had it in me to tell her to stop bein a drama queen .... but didn't!

Now she says that she's leavin Sil in day care startin next week.




WE WILL SEE!