Reflection 1: I CANT SAVE HIM

My brother is a 21 yr. old boy, struggling with an alcohol problem. Who is suicidal and has anger management control issues. I love my brother but he has slowly but surely turned into a person that I dont know and maybe dont want to. I being the oldest has had the worst case of denial in his case. I've had nightmares of him being killed and it took me a really long time to realize that I CANT SAVE HIM! and some of you might not understand but that hurts. When we found out that he was gona be a dad we thought that since we weren't worth his change that maybe his daughter would bring that much needed change.
Let's go back..... he claims that not having a father around has been what his alcoholism is based on. He's had a drinking problem for some time now and seeing what he has put his family through has never been a good enough reason to change. He's busted 8 windows out to one our houses when we would'nt let him in upon realizing that he was drunk we kicked him out after that but once he realize that he had nowhere to go he apologized and stopped drinking for about a month. But man he cant fight that urge. We started finding empty beer bottles that he wouldnt even bother to hide or dispose of.
Somtime back in '05 I had to do the hardest thing ever. He came home drunk and started busting my windows that I had just replaced from his first incident scaring my two children a neighbor heard our cries and pleas and called the cops. When the cops came they had, me place him under citizens arrest which breaks my heart he's my brother. I did if I didn't he was gona stay. So I did everything I had to do to get him out of our house. He got really lucky matter fact because they lost his paper work and truth is I really didnt push them to find it either. But had they, he was gona be charged with reckless endangerment and somethin else about unintentional deadly force upon a child. Seeing as how the chards of glass just barely missed the heads of my children. He cried and apologized and I forgave him. And it stopped for a while then he started up agian.
And now in 2008 after he fought with my husband something that my mom and I tried so hard to prevent you see he would get drunk and talk shit and for the longest time I'd beg my husband to just ignore him he was drunk. And my husband for me would.... but this year he would do that no more my brother began talkin his crap callin my husband a pussy. Then tellin everyone how he "punked" him in his own house. He was convinced that one my hub would never go at him and two that he was afraid of him. A fact that shocked even the hell out of him. He came home drunk like always started talkin his crap to me and my mom and my hub told him you need to calm down or get out my brother got up and said or what? What are you gona do? I went on askin my hub to just ignore him. I think that my brother thought thats what he was gona do then WhhamM!! he rushed him, they fought and me and my ma pryed them apart.
This time was even worst than before because one they fought for nothin and two like three days before that he (my bro) was ordered on probation to serve for a warrant that he had obtained during another drunken incident. We live in a strict apt complex and again I had to call the cops pressing charges against him for vandalism.
Since then he has not stayed with us he continues to drink it's sad I dont think that my brother is necessarily afraid of my husband but i think that he knows that my husband isn't afraid of him.

But his recent incident has left us all hurt and very heart broken this last saturday,.... he was drunk and upon his arguing with his girlfriend his anger got the best of him and he put his hands on her. Wana know whats even sadder? In the middle of all his chaos his 2mo. old daughter began to cry and in his drunken rage....., he stopped. Went and made her a bottle and when he was told that they had called the cops. He put her bottle down and asked them to feed her. He left.

Now what breaks my heart is that he loves his daughter with all his heart but now he will be forced to get better to be around her. I had hoped that the thought of losing us would change him, but no..... and now he's at risk of losing the one thing that just might save his life....Breanna!

What his future has in store for him...? Only time will tell......

I have a feeling that things are bout to get alot worst before they get better.....

What no one know's is, .... he's quit his job and the friend that he's stayin with is gona ask him to leave this friday.