Oh.Emm.Gee

So tonight I had planned on doin some more catchin up blogging, But. Today is Wednesday church night. We normally make dinner and have everyone over before we leave for church we even take Michael a plate. Tonight Jesse cooked for us and made fettuccine alfredo yummy! Tonight I had to work. So my kids go on ahead to church without me, I'm tellin you it's turned into a family event and we all enjoy it. Now, lately since june I'd say when it all started to go BAD. I started drinking. Now when I say that let me just share that it isn't a I need to have a drink situation it's more social then anything and I'll admit that when I am a little stressed I tend to have a good amount. BUT, I am never belligerent or stumbling over myself. And my kids have NEVER seen me drunk. It is VERY important to me that they NEVER do. I know that they have witnessed some of my brothers craziness but I have talked to them many of times that some people just cant drink. Michael bein one of them. So I'm at work and my mom texts me, that tonight they had a request from children in the nursery and asked the kids if they wanted to make out a special prayer for there friends, family or someone that they knew that were struggling. And Marlene asked them to pray for me. I kinda started to freak out. You see the 1st thing that jumped in my head was that it was because of what I am going through. And that broke my heart. I go outta my way so that my kids do not know when there father and I are having problems. They don't need to know there kids, our problems are ours and no one Else's especially our kids they don't need to worry or stress over us. Well then, I get a text back from my mom. She (marlene) asked that they prayed for me that, I will stop drinking. Then my mom says it's a sign. Lol. I tell my mom that's horrible.

I've decided not to have a talk with my daughter, because it was something important to her that she felt she needed god's help. But...... I am so freaken embarrassed lol. I am probably right now the church drunk, lol and when I cant make it because of work. They'll probably say, "She was probably to drunk to come". Lol, Oh My God!