My Hard Work..........

As a mother [a working mother] && I'm sure that I'm not the only one. I find myself feelin bad sometimes. When we decided to have children we weren't RICH....but you know things have gotten alot harder and we were ok...... But now I don't necessarily NEED to work...but my job pays for the little extras that we get.... eatin' out, catchin a movie....just shoppin kinda like a reward for all our hard work. As I was sayin i feel bad sometime cause the kids are abit older now and they know that mom works but sometimes they ask 1st thing in the mornin..."You work today?" or "What time you get off?" and sometimes I feel like I don't get "QUALITY" time with them and I dont wanna be the parnet that buy's there kids love....
So you know we do our best, && it's nice to see that we haven't messed them up...lol. Yet!

So I'm a Super Proud Momma........ my 1st grader Marlene made honor roll. This is the 2nd time.
And the 1st time she was the only one in her grade level to get honor roll for all 3 academics. This time there were a couple more this time. But yeah it's nice to see && consider that when I come home from work, or babysit all mornin go to work and come home and do homework with her that even though I'm tired and run down from my day that it shows that I'm doin somethin right!!
So at 8ish they have an "award ceremony" where there presented there certificate,... then they perform for us.... they did the "boogie walk". June sat through that then......lol that was it! {note the pic of june}

Doctor appt.'s

Both the kiddos had to see the doctor this week both for different reasons. So my week was a little hectic squeezing that in with everything else. My kids rarely see the doctor. But this week Marlene got a eye exam through the school. They recommended that I take her in to have her eye's checked. There estimated her vision at 20/30. Which I guess is kinda bad, i dont know. So her appt, went rather well. I think that she wanted glasses but I explained to her that the docor would let us know if that was necessary. So, we had her eyes checked and her vision is far sided. Which isn't too much to worry about at this time. She has another appt. in a year and they will know more or less then. But she's ok.
Now june had his pyhisical to start kindergarden. I think he's ready! I'm not sure that I am.
I remember Marlene's first day of school. I cried. She didn't see me..... for her sake. And now my youngest and last baby will be startin in Aug. I'm a be home alone...... sounds nice but we'll see if I'll know what to do with myself when that time comes.
But...., anywho I felt so bad. We have a co. pay of $20. And there health comes first so..... it's not about the money. But since my husbands health insurance has changed 2 to 3 times in the last year or two. June was behind on his immunizations. And he needed 5 shots! I felt so bad. I paid for them to torture him. I get really scared and nervous for them when they need shots. I hate to see them hurt, in pain and or cryin. I'm sure that all parents are like that.

Anyway I'm so proud of my little man he did sooooooo soooooo GOOD!!

Remind....me to keep you posted with my adventure ahead with my kindergarten son....]
The countdown begins!

A day at the park......

So our lives get a little crazy. And it's amazing somtimes the serenity and peacefulness that you can find all at once in one small moment. In that moment everything....work, bills, rent....just whatever our current stress is at the time it just
seems not exist. And the kid's benefit and soak it up!

Those moments are nice.

My Husband, && His EX.....&& My Fear....

Yeah so without trashing "her" to much, my husbands ex is and eXceptional piece of work! In the beginning I mighta bashed her...lOl in more ways then one. I was young when I met my husband who has his two older daughters with her, And I embarced the new situation that I found myself in.
Man the game's she would play..... Someday I might share them all. But she's wierd she dont want him back.... but she dont want him with me.
At first she used to just play games and he would just fall into them pissing me off. But now he stands up for himself a little more.
I'm gonna give an examlpe of a few: "Special Moments"
Right after we first got married. She called our house and said "Oh congratulations Girl!!" Yeah right she's so phoney so when my hub got on the phone.. she's starts goin off I cant believe you'd just go out and get married with out tellin me,.......
Or right after we went to court we were gettin visitation with them every other weekend at his fathers house at her request there were weekends when I wouldn't go. One weekend that I went she asked to talk to the girls. While she talked to the oldest the other girl ran around the house like crazy. The oldest was sitting next to me I could her ask if I was there and where did I sleep. (Wtf!!) Right? well she wanted to talk alyssa who I was askin to stop running I never punish the girls but I do.... scold them and I was askin her not to run that wasn't our house didn't want anythin to get broken. When alyssa finally got on the phone she didn't wana talk to her mother, so she gave the phone to my husband and started tellin him that Alyssa didn't wana talk to her cause I was yellin at her. After we took the girls home that night. She again called my husband and told him that he wasn't gona see the girls next weekend that way he "Could talk to" me!!


Anyways I'ma stop with the special moments for now. To get with my current topic.....

Around two weeks ago.. my husband got a call from the girls askin him if they wanted to meet them while there grandma got her hair done. Of course he agreed we even changed our movies plans so that he can go. They hung out had lunch I was really happy for him. One of the hardest things about bein married to man with other children from a previous relationship is not so much dealin with the "other momma drama" but knowin that there's a piece of him missin.
Then they asked him if he could buy Melinda (the oldest). Some shoe's. He's in a situation that where if he say's he can't it'll haunt him for the rest of his life bout how he's a wortheless father and so on. So he does which is ok with me..........

But now here is my concern..... He bought her shoe's,..... hasn't seen them or heard from them since. Now I know that there values and morals are a bit tweaked due to there mother. But I don't want them to just call him when they need somethin..... I want them to call say hi ask how he's doin... we'll see what happens....like I said so far he hasn't heard from them!

Sooo......

I decided that I'll start addin some pic's..... These are my beautiful children. Rose && Junie. There my love's && my reason for being.

Happy Valentines Day

Happy Valentines Day to you all. So today my daughter turned 7, Geesh I feel old!! Lol, that's right 7 years ago today I gave birth to a beautiful girl. And since then My Valentine's Day has been her day. Filled with kid's and goodies. Not very romantical at all. But I enjoy it just the same spendin the day with friends and family that I love.
Today we were supposed to go to the happiest place on earth but because of the weather forcast I had to put a last min birthday party together. I wake up and it's sunny. I was a little upset about that........but makin the best of my day just the same.
Now some adult time drinkin ....... cchYeah!!

Findin myself hurt.......

So my brother who left for rehab, a little over a mo. ago. Has not written me a letter. I normally would not be bothered by this but am. I know that durin his stints and even afterwards that he would place blame and used the way that my mom raised him or the way I treated him as his excuse for his addiction. My mom raised the three of us alone and the best she could I think that are there somethings that she coulda done differently but no one is perfect! And I try my best as a mother but I'm sure that one day my own daughter might find somethin that I coulda done better.
And I admit that durin my brother's struggle with his addiction I was hard on him. I guess that maybe because that he blamed our mother for his problem and I know that she isn't to blame. But it killed me to see my brother the way that he was. I cried and struggled with nightmares for him. And prayed, prayed my heart out that he'd get better. I remember one day, durin one of many interventions, I poured my heart out tellin him how I couldn't sleep cause that I would be haunted by my dreams of him being beaten to bloody pulp and dyin.

After that he of course met with a bottle once again and I guess my way of dealin with that would be to be tuff... and not care.

And it hurted I expected more of him. From him I knew that he was capable of sooooooooo much more!

And now since he's been gone I've helped his girl and mon-fri, 9 to 5. I have his daughter....

He has written everyone and apologizing to them.... I have yet to recieve letter and as they pour in for everyone else. I'm losing hope that one will come adressed to me. And I wonder why?.....Does he not owe me anything? as much as a simple, "I'm sorry"? I guess not! But why? Does he really think that I am partially to blame....????